I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
