Michael Bay diarrhea
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Panties = found
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
