How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
