You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
