there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I just googled if crying burns calories
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
