dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
