Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
