you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
