and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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