Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
