did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
