I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize