Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
