We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Randomize
