its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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