Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
