Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
