peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
