I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
