I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize