Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
