I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
