She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
