Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
