You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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