When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
