No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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