I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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