is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I deserve this hangover.
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