1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
