ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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