seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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