you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
