the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize