Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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