Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Randomize
