how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Randomize
