Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Randomize
