It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
