so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
