Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
vagina is talking i cant
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
