were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
