I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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