i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
His hands were made for my vagina.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
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