Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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