Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Randomize
