I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
