So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
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