I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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