it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize