Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
