I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize