remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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