Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
