You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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