My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
