You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
