WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
