We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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