Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
