So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
