Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
