I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
How does one acquire holy water?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
He did a backflip because drugs
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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