Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize