is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
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